To Miss Emma Woodhouse,
As you are aware, the celebration of Valentine’s Day provides an opportunity for expressing our mutual profusions of affection and desire. However, my dear madame, I shall offer you no such sentiments. Your family proves amply that you surround yourself with such ardent admirers that my poor words will have very little merit in your estimation. Hence, I do not join their ranks of unequivocal adoration.
My dear Emma, my qualms with your temperament and upbringing are but a few. First, I find your choice of friends most worrisome. …
Secondly, Emma, your admirers have puffed up your estimation of your skills in regards to your matchmaking abilities. …
Finally, I shall continue to offer you my devotion as your true friend, lover. But I cannot reciprocate the false sentiments that will merely lead you to increased vanity. This would be a shortcoming for myself if I allowed myself to contribute to your pride.
Your faithful un-Valentine,
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